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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  November 9, 2015 11:34pm-12:38am PST

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we've been talking about gutters. >> yes. >> and getting your gutters cleaned. it was so nice. >> i needed repair. worked like a charm. >> that's what we talk about during xheshgs. that storm system is moving off to the south. it will be cold with a start tomorrow morning. down to 36 in the north bay. east bay 49. tomorrow's forecast, sunny skies back. san francisco 60 and the south bay at 62. the way i looked at it, about $100 worth of rain probably fell from the sky today for each yard. >> thanks for joining us. have a great tuesday morning. >> see you tomorrow. bye-bye. ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- michael keaton.
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nick offerman. musical guest, chris janson. and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 363! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hot crowd. that's what i'm talking about. welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. you're here. you're here. this is "the tonight show." we do it together. that's it, you made it. we're about to have a good
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time. are you ready for this? [ cheers ] this is what it's all about. i hope everyone had a great weekend. welcome, everybody. i had the cutest thing happen last night. i was putting my daughter to bed, and she asked me to read her a fairy tale. i said, "mother goose?" she said, "no, ben carson." [ laughter ] have you guys been following this? over the last few weeks, ben carson said that when he was younger, he tried to stab a a guy. he believes the egyptian pyramids were built to store grain, and he said he'd like to have an orange juice with jesus. [ laughter ] he also just became the first presidential candidate to be endorsed by mad libs. [ cheers and applause ] orange juice and jesus. give me a drink. i saw that ben carson actually owns a painting of himself posing with jesus. which makes sense because jesus is the only other guy it took three days to wake up.
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you go, oh, that makes sense. this is real. ben owns -- ben carson owns a a painting of himself posing with jesus. can we see the painting? [ laughter ] can we see that again? i'm not sure if that's ben carson and jesus or billy ocean and a long-haired nicolas cage. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ suddenly life has new meaning for me ♪ ♪ there's beauty up above and things we never take notice of ♪ ♪ wake up suddenly you're ben carson ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: great song. >> steve: love song. >> jimmy: a love song. in a recent interview, jeb bush said that his 91-year-old dad doesn't give him much advice. and instead, just drinks martinis and gets massages all
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day. when asked how many martinis he drinks, the masseuse said, "as many as possible before i massage a 91-year-old man. three, four." [ laughter and applause ] jeb bush also said that he's learning to toot his own horn a a little better, which is good because pretty soon he's going to be the one driving his campaign bus. that's the way things are going. [ applause ] i don't know if you guys have seen this yet, but oprah just released her annual list of favorite things for 2015, which includes deep dish cherry pie, metallic vests and matching striped pajamas. now, with each of the 87 items, oprah writes a very detailed reason for why she put it on the list. they're really great descriptions. so here now to share some of his favorites from the oprah list is nick offerman, ladies and gentlemen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] nick.
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[ cheers ] nick offerman. nick, thank you for being here. this first one is for bath and shower gel. >> that's right. jimmy, oprah says, "with notes of grapefruit, my favorite, and bergamot, this set shower gel and body lotion, which contains vitamins c, e and skin softening shea butter, smell absolutely delicious." personally, i have no idea what the hell half those words mean. but if you would like to smell like oprah, just shut up and wear it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good. thank you nick. good to know. good advice. the next one is for a modern sprout garden. >> oprah says, "now this is a a fantastic gift. made in the u.s.a., a vintage
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inspired mason jar containing a a self-watering hydroponic system that grows herbs. i love the idea of giving a a set. my faves are basil, parsley and mint." let me nutshell this for you. it's plants in a jar. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, nick. that's a good gift. that's a fun gift. thank you. let's do one more. this is about pet jackets. >> that's right. oprah says, "what's your dog begging for? surely, a faux fur jacket tricked out with a jewel button closure and a practical opening for a leash. bonus, it's machine washable." here's another bonus. your dog's about to get more ass than you've gotten in your entire life. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. i appreciate it. thank you. ♪ nick offerman, everybody. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] machine washable.
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bonus. let's get to some sports news, here. oh, this isn't good. i saw that the green bay packers got in a fight with each other yesterday. yeah. b.j. raji shoved ha ha clinton-dix. [ laughter ] yeah. they say it's the biggest scandal involving a b.j. and clinton-dix since 1998. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: clinton. >> jimmy: this is pretty cool. i saw this month, san francisco is hosting the first ever international film festival for movies shot with drones. yeah. but there could be some confusion since nearly every film is called "my neighbor's boobs." [ laughter and applause ] drones. and finally, there were no injuries this weekend after a a giant sinkhole, this is scary, opened up in an ihop
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parking lot in mississippi and swallowed up more than a dozen cars. and that hole still ate less than most of the people in the ihop. [ laughter and applause ] we have a great show, everybody. give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: love ihop. pancakes. i love it. guys, it's monday, we're so excited to be back. we have a big week of shows coming up. tomorrow night, daniel radcliffe will be here and we're going to play a game of water war. [ cheers and applause ] it's like war, but we throw water on each other. then later this week, james mcavoy, elizabeth banks, and sarah silverman will all be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] and we have performances from ellie goulding. that's my favorite. [ cheers and applause ] tim mcgraw. and a tribe called quest. that's all this week.
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going to be fun. but first, we have a fun show tonight. he is truly one of the best actors around. he's getting oscar buzz for his new movie "spotlight." he's also super hilarious. michael keaton is joining us tonight. >> steve: come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: talented all around. i love him. plus, you saw him a little bit earlier. we love it when he stops by. he's a very talented actor who you can see in the new season of "fargo" on fx. nick offerman is here. [ cheers and applause ] great mustache. and a bonus thing for tonight, this is fun. tonight, nick is going to show us some of his favorite meats for this time of year. meats. timely meats. >> steve: timely meats. >> jimmy: he's grilling out. you know, tailgating meat. >> steve: yep. >> jimmy: your holiday gift meats. >> steve: yep. >> jimmy: you know, we're going to go through all the meats that he enjoys later in the show. and we definitely -- we really are. i'm looking forward to this. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: i knew nick was here, but i was like, oh, i forgot to
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eat this morning, i came in and just smelled the bacon. and i go, "that yeah, that smell means nick is here." yeah, he brings his own bacon all the time. and we got great music. do you know this guy? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: oh my god. chris janson, you guys, is here tonight. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "buy me a boat." it's such a good song. "buy me a boat." yeah, he's saying basically, money can't buy you everything, but it can buy me a boat. >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it can buy me some beer. it's guys, as always, i say we're very lucky to have the greatest band in late night, the roots, right there, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] you guys are the greatest. i love you. but, it isn't always fun and games. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: that's right. from time to time, we put the roots to the test. we pick people from our audience and have the roots make up songs about them on the spot. it is time for "freestylin' with the roots." get ready, everybody. ♪ freestyle with the roots ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey. roots, you guys ready to do this? [ cheers and applause ] here we go. you right here. yeah, you can do it. yeah, come here. yeah, yeah. you look like you didn't want me to pick you. that's why i chose you. [ laughter ] hey, you can hold this. how are you? >> good, how are you? >> jimmy: great. is that a fitbit? are you wearing a fitbit? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how many steps do you have? do you mind? >> go for it. >> jimmy: 12,000 steps. fantastic. takes me about a week to do something like that. thank you for being here. thank you for holding the microphone. what is your name? >> momo. >> jimmy: can you spell it? >> m-o-m-o. >> jimmy: momo? >> yep. >> jimmy: momo. okay, good. momo, where are you from? >> maryland, d.c. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: maryland. you look like -- are you in the witness protection program? [ laughter ] just wink at me if that's true. maryland. maryland. momo, oprah just came out with her annual list of her favorite
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things. what's your favorite thing? >> exercise. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: exercise. what? momo, what's your favorite thing? >> food. >> jimmy: not your least favorite thing. >> food. >> jimmy: no, it's oprah's list. you can't put food. what specific food? you can't purchase exercise for somebody. your favorite thing you gotta give as a gift. momo is here, she's unwrapping the gift. thank you, momo. i open it up and it's -- >> a new car. >> jimmy: a new collar, thank you very much. what does that mean? >> a new car. [ laughter ] a new car. >> jimmy: a new car. oh, my god. thank you. [ laughter ] i thought you got me a dog collar, like an s&m type of thing. i had no idea what the hell was going on. of course, new collar. >> steve: momo. >> jimmy: yeah, a new car. okay, so i open it up, it's a a tiny car, like a matchbox car. thank you, that's a great, great favorite thing. guys, we have -- tariq is going, who is writing right now.
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we have our pal momo here. her favorite thing, her favorite thing is, of course, a a collar. or sometimes a car. yeah, she's from maryland, and -- she's our pal. the first one here, you guys, since our friend tim mcgraw is coming out with a new album, can you guys do a like new country type of song? like 2015. ♪ >> two, three, and -- ♪ momo is my friend from maryland i will sing to her out in the audience ♪ ♪ ladies and gents she came from maryland ♪ ♪ she told me that basically i'm one of the freestyle kings ♪ ♪ and she loves when we play and jimmy sings and that and oprah's list of favorite things i'm on it ♪
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♪ i said let's get a big big ride on the side and then she holds the car that she has gotten ♪ ♪ it's a little bit hot and a little bit honky-tonk a little bit honky-tonk ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm going to scoot down here, if you don't mind. excuse me for a second. good to see you. hey, sorry about that. excuse me, yeah. you don't have to get up. [ laughter ] all right. yeah. who was that guy? he didn't want to get up. hey, how are you doing? nice to meet you. like your coat. that's nice coat. hi, how are you? hey, hey, guys. how are you? [ cheers and applause ] come on up, yeah. of course. hi. >> hi. >> jimmy: how are you? >> great. >> jimmy: thank you for being here. what is your name? >> elise. >> jimmy: elise.
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is it al or el? >> el. >> jimmy: yeah, elise. very nice. elise, it's november, so it's almost thanksgiving, okay? and i was gonna say, what is your favorite side dish? >> stuffing. >> jimmy: got to be stuffing. it is, it's great. stuffing is fantastic. it's my favorite, too. which one, do you do the stovetop or the one inside the carcass -- [ laughter ] --of the dead bird. the one under the bones? >> neither one. >> jimmy: neither one? >> no. just like in a casserole dish. >> jimmy: yeah, that's -- okay, yeah. stuffed in the bird. >> in the bird? >> jimmy: that's the stuff right there. everybody loves it. yeah, it's in the carcass, right off the bone. dead bird. >> love it. >> jimmy: what are you most thankful for this year? >> my family. >> jimmy: that's so nice. your family. that's very nice. guys, we have our pal elise here. this is very nice. her favorite thanksgiving side dish is stuffing. not necessarily stovetop. preferably the one inside the
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carcass of a dead bird. the thing she's most thankful for is family. so now, for this last one, how about a good old disco song? you like disco? it's always fun. ♪ ♪ elise is in the house she said jimmy fallon is her favorite performer ♪ ♪ ooh and it's november now so you know thanksgiving's right around the corner ♪ ♪ just give me that side dish just give me that stuffing in a dead bird ♪ ♪ give me that side dish just give me that stuffing in a dead bird ♪ ♪ and my family is that one thing that i am most thankful for ♪ ♪ just give me that side dish just give me that stuffing in a dead bird ♪ ♪ just give me that side dish just give me that stuffing in a dead bird ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: that was great pal. that was great. thanks to these guys. thanks to the roots. i love that song. we'll be right back with michael keaton, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ your nfl loyalties will be tested. that's right, go pack go. what did you order coach? a big mac for me, and fries for lil' ditka. great choice, partner. mcdonald's and the nfl are teaming up like never before. we're giving away millions of instant win prizes and tickets to super bowl 50. text in your code, and if we announce your team on nbc's sunday night football, you're automatically a winner. you could even win $500,000. it's time to play game time gold. who's your team?
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on his legendary quest jack went looking for a man. known simply as...the onion whisperer. the onion said... "you must prepare me three ways... " "...then put it all on a burger..." "...and make a commercial about it."
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and that's the legend of the cheddar onion buttery jack. crispy, grilled and caramelized-onion aioli. the cheddar onion buttery jack. part of the buttery jack family. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an academy award nominated actor starring in a powerful new movie. i know, we love him. it's called -- "spotlight" is the name of the film. it's playing in select theaters right now. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome michael keaton. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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>> jimmy: michael keaton, ladies and gentlemen. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's a side dish. give me that side dish. that's the side dish. excuse me. you've invented -- >> it's like a good song, though. >> jimmy: that's a actually good song. >> and i have to tell you, man, when they said, i thought -- i mean, how great are these guys? >> jimmy: yeah. >> but when they said write a a country tune, i went, "no, that ain't never going to happen." that's a good, you know, he's sitting backstage going, [ bleep ] damn. [ laughter ] that's good lyrics. totally stealing that song. >> jimmy: no, the roots know how to do it. they can do everything. >> aw man, that's awesome. >> jimmy: they can take a disco jam and do it. >> and last time, you guys sent me that tune that i like. you were just like, playing that really, really pretty tune. like kind of a jazzy kind of thing.
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>> questlove: i remember. >> and you sent it off to me. >> questlove: yeah. >> i want "side dish." >> questlove: okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's called "side dish." >> i'll have the compilation, man. >> jimmy: yeah, he was going to go to the roots concert and be like, play "side dish." [ laughter ] that's our favorite song, "side dish." >> yeah, yeah. no, that's "main dish." >> jimmy: no, we don't want "main dish." >> i hate "main dish." >> jimmy: we hate protein. we want "side dish." this one's called "green beans." >> by the way, i'm not sure. i'm not sure, and she's a a lovely woman. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm not sure stuffing really is a side dish. [ light laughter ] what do you think? it's in, as you say, the carcass. >> jimmy: it's in the carcass, yeah. >> it's in the carcass. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you know, my cooking show is cancelled, right? they cancelled my cooking show. they just shove it all in the carcass there. >> yeah. or they say cavity. >> jimmy: oh, cavity is much better. that's the word i was thinking of. >> i'm sorry i brought it up, by the way. now we're talking about side dishes. >> jimmy: well, this is again, this is for my cooking blog. this is my cooking blog. >> again, this again. >> jimmy: well, because, i like to know. what do you enjoy? when you have thanksgiving, do
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you do the cranberry in the can, the gelatinous, that comes out and it makes that awesome sound? [ laughter ] or do you like the -- >> you like things like gelatinous, carcass. >> jimmy: you want to come over for thanksgiving? gelatinous carcass. >> you have the gross-out theme. >> jimmy: yeah, no, yeah, no. but that's, i just wondered. >> you're asking me? >> jimmy: yeah, which one do you prefer? >> well, first of all, that's a a gotcha question. >> jimmy: no, no, you're watching too much political stuff. >> no, no, that's a -- >> jimmy: you're watching too many political things. this a gotcha question. you think ben carson. >> it was. >> jimmy: it was? you think right there? >> yeah. >> jimmy: if i asked ben carson, yeah. >> it's the corpse of the bird. >> ben, by the way, ben is a a curious dude. >> jimmy: yeah, he's fantastic. you never know what's going to happen. >> he's an unusual man. but you know, i mean, great, great story. when he, you know, when they ask for corroboration, you know, like was anybody there, can you corroborate this story? if you don't mind, and this may be a sensitive thing, and it's in front of millions of people, but i would like to come clean about something. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. this is the show to do it on, michael, absolutely. [ laughter ] >> not charlie rose. >> jimmy: no, no, charlie rose
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calls me for tips now and then. i'm the one -- this is the one to do it absolutely. >> years ago, john kasich, who is a wonderfully nice man. lovely man. you know, john kasich, from ohio. >> jimmy: thought you said john gacy? >> no, no, no, no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: not a lovely man. you hung out with john wayne gacy? john kasich, absolutely. yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. >> yeah. >> jimmy: sorry, i apologize. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i apologize. >> well, because, kind of, seriously. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he's a really, really nice man. and many years ago, he tried to stab me with a knife. >> jimmy: oh, my god, now, now, this is a big deal. you can't just say this on national tv if it's not real. the john kasich running for president or a different john kasich. >> tried to stab me with a a knife. mike huckabee tried to hit my mom in the head with a hammer. >> jimmy: that is not true. [ laughter ] you're making up all these stories. >> no, i'm not, ask them. >> jimmy: these are not true at all. >> i'm just corroborating. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: these are, nothing is true. >> fortunately, you know, i spend a lot of time out west in montana and oregon.
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our buckles are big. >> jimmy: yeah. >> belt buckles. >> jimmy: oh, i love them. >> fortunately, my mom had one of those big rodeo belt buckles. >> jimmy: on her head. >> yes. >> jimmy: and mike huckabee came from behind? >> yes, tried to hit her. >> jimmy: oh my gosh. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i didn't hear about that in the debates. >> belt buckle will stop a a knife, if it's big enough. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: this is all great information. it's all going to go on my blog. it's fantastic. [ light laughter ] i do love all this. i was asking you backstage, we were talking. i go, because you know, actually, we all love you from all your movies. "beetlejuice," i go "batman," and then i go does anyone ever confuse you for a different super hero? like spiderman or somebody like that? >> i'm in -- you know those stores that fix your, "you break it, we fix it." is that what it is? you break it -- >> jimmy: yeah, iphone or something like that. >> iphone, and my glass had shattered. i was, this is the other time, and i was in, you go into the store. and i had to get it fixed. and i'm there, and on the wall, on the screen is a television. a screen, flat screen, and "spiderman" was playing. and the guy's was kind of paying attention to me but really locked in, mostly locked in to watching "spiderman."
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>> jimmy: yeah, of course. >> and i'm going, i don't know how it broke, it's in the corner. and he's going, yeah, yeah. hold on a second. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know those guys. they don't care that you're at the store and it's broken. we're watching "spiderman." >> and i don't know which one it was. i don't know which one it was. >> jimmy: yeah, sure. >> but there's a scene. and i'm going, and now i'm thinking, i gotta get out of here. he's going to put two and two together. see me and it's going to be a a thing. never happened. did not recognize me at all. [ laughter ] and he totally -- >> jimmy: i love it. >> right. so what's happening on the screen, is a scene. now i go, "well, i'm curious. i want to watch him watch the movie." so, i'm really watching him, seeing his reaction to the movie. and in the scene, which i didn't know happened, peter parker, right? that's his name? >> jimmy: yeah. >> peter parker has a very emotional scene with my pal, emma stone. their scene, and he cries. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he starts crying. >> jimmy: wow. >> peter parker. >> jimmy: sure. >> right. >> jimmy: spiderman. >> you see where i'm headed. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so, i go, i'm watching, i'm seeing what this guy's reaction is. so i say to him, i go, this "spiderman?" and the guy goes, yeah. i'm watching.
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i go, "is he crying?" the guy goes, "yeah." and i just wait a little bit. you're gonna bleep this out. and i go, [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and it's, and it's you. >> and i wait. he kind of does this. he kind of like, looks. he's just like locked in. and i go, batman would never cry. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: more with michael keaton when we come back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. we're hanging out here with michael keaton.
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who wouldn't want to hang out with michael keaton? i'll hang out with you all day long, all week long, if you let me. i love the movie "spotlight." you're fantastic in it. this is a true story. >> yeah. unfortunately. >> jimmy: yeah, absolutely. also, kind of in a weird way, it's just fascinating how newspapers work and how the story just kind of opened up a a can of worms, really. >> yeah, it's the story of -- in "the boston globe," in 2001? trying to remember the dates because it spanned several years. started, they were an investigative team called spotlight, inside "the boston globe" newspaper. which is kind of like a metro section or local investigative section, headed by the person i play, walter "robby" robinson. great guy. and the team was unbelievably dogged. and they won a pulitzer prize for the investigation and the
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uncovering exposition of the archdiocese of boston for the child abuse scandals, cardinal law. you probably remember all that. >> jimmy: i'm sure, yeah. -- catholics, yeah. >> really, really horrific. yeah, yeah. and it's not only necessary to tell the story. it's so unbelievably well done. this cast that i'm with is, once again, another one of these great casts that i'm part of. and the direction of mccarthy is great. >> jimmy: tom mccarthy. he did -- >> yeah "win win", "the station agent." yeah. great fan. it's really handled great. interestingly when, you know. it's obviously a tough subject, but when you're done, it's, in an odd way, kind of uplifting. it's extraordinarily moving. i mean, it's getting insanely great reviews. >> jimmy: it's exciting to watch because you see how almost, the story didn't happen. how many times it didn't happen. how many people say you can't say this. now it's too late.
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>> and how systemic it was and how involved the cover-up was. it's depressing up to a point, and then it becomes, like i say, weirdly. first of all, you fall in love with real journalists and people who do the hard work. and these guys are the heroes of the story you know, robby and mike -- >> jimmy: you got to meet those guys? >> yeah. hang out with -- >> jimmy: did you get the accent from them? >> you have, like, the greatest ear of all ears. it's uncanny how good your ear is for stuff. >> jimmy: thank you. >> it's true, but you know that's a tricky one, that accent. >> jimmy: i don't mess with the boston accent. >> it can change from neighborhood to neighborhood. it can change from block to block. >> jimmy: some people don't even have accents, and some people are like, wicked pisser! hey, fallon! oh, my gosh. i thought you did that in a a drama they'd be like what is going on? >> exactly. you know what it's like. because you've acted in -- >> jimmy: well, some people might call it acting. >> when you focus too much on it, then you kind of screw it up because you want to sew it into the character and the
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story like it's not a big deal. robby, the guy i played, walter robinson, he doesn't have one, really. and then when you hang out with him, you hear it come out in certain words. you know, and certain sentences. depending upon whom he's speaking to -- with whom he's speaking. >> jimmy: yeah. exactly. it's well done. i was like, that's such a a tricky thing, but you did it perfectly. >> i know you're going to show a clip, it's so good. but i also want to say nick offerman is in my next movie called "the founder." about the guy who -- about mcdonalds, we'll talk about that sometime, but he's great in the movie, too. i wanna throw a plug to nick. >> jimmy: he's a good guy. >> he's bringing out meat too. >> jimmy: we're going to have a a meat demo. next time you come on, we can do the whole meat demo. >> or i'll just skin an animal. >> jimmy: just bring a carcass. just bring a carcass. bring your carcass and we'll stuff it. >> carcass night! >> jimmy: yeah, it's carcass night here at "the tonight show." you bring your carcass and we'll stuff it. >> yeah, there you go. >> jimmy: i do have a clip here
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i want to show everyone. this is michael keaton in the film "spotlight." take a look at this. >> some other time, jim. we have cover-up stories on 70 priests. the boss isn't gonna run it unless i get confirmation from your side. >> are you out of your mind? >> come on. it's our town, jimmy. everybody knew something was going on. and no one did a thing. we got to put an end to it. >> don't tell me what i gotta do. yeah, i helped defend these scumbags, but that's my job, robby. i was doing my job. >> yeah. you and everyone else. [ cheers and applause ] >> doing my job, robby. >> jimmy: doing my job, robby. that's where i would have gone wrong. i'm just doing my job. that's my job, and i'm doing my job. >> doing my job, robby. >> jimmy: it was wicked. >> yeah, wicked hard.
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>> jimmy: wicked hard to do the job. no, see, that's the subtlety. that's why we love michael keaton. congrats on another great performance, pal. come back for "the founder", too. whenever you want. we love this guy, michael keaton, everybody. "spotlight" is in select theaters now. we'll be right back with nick offerman, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we have three chevy's here. alright. i want you to place this award on the podium next to the vehicle that you think was ranked highest in initial quality by j.d. power. hmm. can i look around at them? sure. highest ranking in initial quality. it's gotta be this one. this is it. you are wrong. really? actually it's all three. you tricked me. j.d. power ranked the chevy malibu, silverado half-ton and equinox highest in initial quality in their segments. that's impressive! i'm very surprised! i am. i'm very surprised. chevy hit three home runs.
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some drinks are hardly onerefreshing.ta i'll stick with redd's wicked apple. who wants a steve-a-colada. can't give these things away. redd's wicked apple and new black cherry. refreshingly hard. ♪ a new world hangs ♪ outside the window ♪ beautiful and strange ♪ it must be ♪ falling away ♪ i must be ♪ sound and color
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dulcolax®. designed for dependable relief. and i've had some work done. in '62 they put in a conversation pit. brilliant. in '74 they got shag carpet. that poor dog. rico?! then they expanded my backside. ugh. so when the nest learning thermostat showed up, i thought "hmmm." but nest is different. keeps 'em comfy. and saves energy automatically. like that! i'm like a whole new house! nest. welcome to the magic of home.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you can see our next guest in the new season of "fargo." he's fantastic. it airs mondays at 10:00 p.m. on fx. and from november 11th through december 20th, you can see him in the play "a confederacy of dunces" at the huntington theatre in boston. everyone, please welcome nick offerman. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: hey, we have similar dance skills right there. that's what i'm talking about. nick offerman right there, ladies and gentlemen. now, here we are, here. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for being here. we're so happy to have you here. >> thank you. >> jimmy: congrats on the new season of "fargo." it's getting great reviews. and i love you on there. also, amazing facial hair, yet again. >> thank you. >> jimmy: not the mustache. not the mustache. you went the opposite way. >> well yeah, the mustache has been featured so much on "parks and rec," noah hawley who writes "fargo", i said can we use all of my whiskers but the mustache? so we went with the c. everett koop, the amish -- >> jimmy: yeah, the abraham lincoln. fantastic beard. >> just the cheek and jowls. >> jimmy: yeah, of course. and then, that's the name of your next book isn't it? now, this play right here, this kind of gave me chills. seeing this -- that's you, buddy. >> that's me. >> jimmy: "a confederacy of dunces." one of my favorite books. a lot of people's favorite
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book. john kennedy toole, this is going to be on stage for the first time ever, i think, right? >> it is, yeah. it's really exciting. jeffrey hatcher did this incredible adaptation of it. we're doing it in boston. if it goes well, we're going to move to syracuse. and they said if it goes well there, maybe westchester. >> jimmy: then back to boston? >> and then, ultimately, back to boston. >> jimmy: congratulations. nick, what kind of meats did you bring for us today? >> well, you know, i'm playing a very fat man in this play. >> jimmy: yes, you are. >> so, to put on the weight, i have a regimen going of some of my favorite fatty meats. i thought some of your viewers could work them into their own fall schedule. i have a three-part plan laid out. >> jimmy: oh, fantastic. >> first, we'll talk about tailgating. you know, one of my favorite things to do in football season. i love flannel. megan has this flannel bikini that will make your hat fly off. >> jimmy: make my hat fly off.
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yeah, yeah. >> my old stand-by, the bratwurst. i'm from illinois. >> jimmy: for the brats here. >> which is near wisconsin. >> jimmy: that's your whiter sausage. >> yeah, that's a pork dish. >> jimmy: what are these again? >> well, that's a side dish. give me some of the side dish. if you want to -- if you want a a salad with your brats, these are wisconsin cheese curds. >> jimmy: that's not a salad. that's a cheese curd. lll and what beverage? you have two beverages. these go well with the sausage? >> it's chilly out, so a hardy beer is good. i like something smokier. this is single malt scotch, which is like a campfire in a a glass. cilantro. >> jimmy: yeah, cilantro, absolutely, i will. wow. this also could be used as fuel. >> indeed. >> jimmy: fantastic. >> it will drive your backhoe. >> jimmy: it will drive my backhoe, definitely. [ laughter ] it really will. [ applause ] that's all you need. is that a slogan?
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is that a phrase? let's go over the holiday season coming up here. you've got -- is this turkey? >> no, you may have heard of the turducken. >> jimmy: is that it? >> yeah, it's a chicken carcass inserted into a duck carcass. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> which has been shoved inside a turkey. >> jimmy: turkey carcass. the turducken, you'll find, is a bit little lightweight. it's tasty, but it leaves me wanting. and so we created a dish called the flying pig. where we feed a turducken to a a large black kentucky pig in mid-august. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and then you slaughter the pig for thanksgiving. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and serve turducken-fed pork. also known as the flying pig. >> jimmy: the flying pig, yeah. never heard of that. that's fantastic. >> it's a nutty, meaty flavor. with hints of shoe leather and mink oil. and just a touch of regret. >> jimmy: ooh. a little regret.
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what goes with that? what goes well with the flying pig? >> i like a glass of single malt scotch. >> jimmy: seems like that was the last one. >> mud in your eye. >> jimmy: thanks. oh, my gosh. that will definitely -- that will fuel up your backhoe. >> that'll put -- cheek and jowls. >> jimmy: cheek and jowls in that one. before we go, this is something i had made. and i just thought it was the greatest thing ever. i had bread baked around a a giant kielbasa. i just thought it wouldn't be "the tonight show" unless we tried to lady and the tramp this sucker. you like mustard on yours? >> i do love a spicy mustard. >> jimmy: some golden spicy mustard there. we have sauerkraut. do you enjoy saurkraut? >> i'm take a touch of kraut. >> jimmy: that's some nice kraut there. is that enough? >> that looks good. >> jimmy: i'm going to do the same thing. i enjoy the golden spicy
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mustard myself, and i do enjoy some sauerkraut. i'll have a little bit more than you. hey, buddy, congrats on every single thing you're doing. "fargo," "confederacy of dunces." [ cheers and applause ] nick offerman. "fargo" airs mondays, 10:00 p.m., on fx. if you're in boston, check out "a confederacy of dunces" at the huntington theater. we'll be right back with chris janson. stick around. ♪ in your man-cave. you think it smells fine, but your wife smells this... sfx: ding music starts luckily for all your hard-to-wash fabrics there's febreze fabric refresher it doesn't just mask, it eliminates odors...
12:24 am've gone noseblind to woman inhales use febreze fabric refresher till it's fresh and try pluggable febreze... continuously eliminate odors for up to 45 days of freshness pluggable febreze and fabric refresher two more ways [inhale + exhale mnemonic] to breathe happy. so wi got a job!ews? i'll be programming at ge. oh i got a job too, at zazzies. (friends gasp) the app where you put fruit hats on animals? i love that! guys, i'll be writing code that helps machines communicate. (interrupting) i just zazzied you.
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(phone vibrates) look at it! (friends giggle) i can do dogs, hamsters, guinea pigs... you name it. i'm going to transform the way the world works. (proudly) i programmed that hat. and i can do casaba melons. i'll be helping turbines power cities. i put a turbine on a cat. (friends ooh and ahh) i can make hospitals run more efficiently... this isn't a competition! hey! how are you?g? where are we watching the game? you'll see. i think my boys have a shot this year. yeah, especially with this new offense we're running... i mean, our running back is a beast. once he hits the hole and breaks through the secondary, oh he's gone. and our linebackers and dbs dish out punishment, and never quit. ♪ you didn't expect this did you? no i didn't. the nissan altima. there's a fun side to every drive. nissan. innovation that excites. the challenges facing so neither does the u.s. army. we train. adapt. and get smarter. every soldier. every unit. every day.
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not to keep up with change; but to drive it. nobody knows what problems tomorrow will bring. but we do know who will solve them. [ bacome on. wait. welcome to the annual lighting of the tree. let the holidays begin! [ crowd gasps ] oh that is not good! a bulb has gone out. who will go on the perilous journey to replace it? we will! crowd: huh? we will? yeah! shell ya' later be careful out there. good luck!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: this is what you want right here, everybody. this is all you need. our next guest hit number one with his very first single as a a major label artist. just released his debut album, "buy me a boat." performing the title song, "buy me a boat," give it up for chris janson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ m well i ain't rich but i damn sure wanna be well working like a dog all day ♪ ♪ ain't working for me ♪ lord i wish i had a rich uncle that'd kick the bucket ♪ ♪ and that i was sitting on a pile like warren buffett ♪ ♪ i know everybody says money can't buy happiness ♪ ♪ but it could buy me a boat it could buy me a truck to pull it ♪ ♪ it could buy me a yeti 110 iced down with silver bullets ♪ ♪ well yeah and i know what they say money can't buy everything ♪ ♪ well maybe so but it could buy me a boat ♪ ♪ now they call me redneck white trash and blue collar ♪
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♪ well i could change all that if i had a couple million dollars ♪ ♪ i keep hearing that money is the root of all evil ♪ ♪ and you can't fit a camel through the eye of a needle ♪ ♪ i'm sure that's probably true but it still sounds pretty cool ♪ ♪ cause it could buy me a boat lord it could buy me a truck to pull it ♪ ♪ it could buy me a yeti 110 iced down with silver bullets ♪ ♪ yeah and i know what they say money can't buy everything ♪ ♪ well maybe so but it could buy me a boat ♪ ♪ to float down on the water with a beer ♪ ♪ i hear the powerball lotto is a-sitting on a hundred mill ♪ ♪ well that would buy me a brand new rod and reel ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ lord it could buy me a boat yeah it could buy me a truck to pull it ♪ ♪ it could buy me a yeti 110 iced down with some silver bullets ♪ ♪ well i know what they say money can't buy everything ♪ ♪ well maybe so but it could buy me a boat ♪ ♪ well i know what they say money can't buy everything ♪ ♪ well maybe so but it could buy me a boat ♪ ♪ yep lord it could buy me a boat ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you so much. >> thank you, sir. >> jimmy: thank you so much for being here. chris janson. [ cheers and applause ] "buy me a boat" is out now. we'll be right back. stick around, everybody. ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to michael keaton, nick offerman, chris janson, once again. "buy me a boat." and the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen, from philadelphia. you can buy them a boat, too, if you want. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. buh-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- kathy griffin, from "shelter," actor paul bettany, author, ta-nehisi coates, featuring the 8g band with arcade fire's jeremy gara. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] all right. glad to hear it. let's get to the news. jeb bush said in a new interview that while it could have a dangerous effect on everything else, he would go back in time and kill hitler as a child. while ben carson is saying he did.


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